I want that Feeling

When you are in a kitchen, you have a feeling,  a feeling of being complete, of feeling as if you are home. You get this feeling that you love being in the kitchen, and you would not want to be anywhere else.

That is what my last kitchen was, we had love for each other, and for food.

I miss being around people who love what they are doing, people who want to learn, people who want to teach others. The last place might of not been perfect, but it was a wondeful place for me to start. The people who were working with me there were also wonderful. People took time out of there day, to help each other out, to teach other things. We were a group of people who really got a long with each other, who really understood each other.

I want that unity back.

I want to be in a kitchen where people want to be professional, where people clean up after themselves, where people ask questions before they do whatever they want. Being back in the kitchen is a wonderful feeling, its the one place that gets me, understands who I am and what I want to do.

But will I get back to a kitchen that I love again, that I love who I am around?

I miss the long night, I miss the covers, I miss the unity, I miss the happy times, I miss the crazy times, I miss the time we were in the weeds, I miss people understanding what being in the weeds is, I miss being with people who understand what being in the kitchen is all about, I miss feeling wanted, I miss the crazyness of the city, I miss the people, I miss the things that everyone cares about that people do not care about here.

Im just missing it all, Im missing my family.

Don't get me wrong, I love what my dad and I have done. I love the restaurant we opened, its just people don't get me here. I feel like people don't understand what it is like to be in a real kitchen that should be run well. Ill be missing it for awhile untill I put together a life here, feel like I have soemthign here.

Im excited though to get my desserts out to people.

Becoming a Chef...

When I started this blog it was about me attending pastry school, and about my world around it. About everything I was doing with my pastry career. I thought it would always be about me going from job to job.

Learning everything I possibly could, I want to see what the world has to offer.

My Dad and I took over a restaurant, and by doing that I landed a "Pastry Chef" Job and pretty much an "Executive Chef" Job. I am not Chef right now, and I would not walk in anywhere and tell somenoe I was. But all the desserts in the Restaurant are all things I put together and made, and I plate them everynight. And between my dad and I we have been putting together menu after menu right now. I want to be hands on in everything that is going on

So it put me in a position I never thought of having, or thought I would have.

It is a hard time, trying to figure out menus and also having to go through with them. The pastry part comes to me, but being in SD I know people want more of simplicity. But coming up with the regular menu is hard, and it is something very new for me. But it is a learning process and it will take time. But I know that its going well now, and overtime it will get even better.

Everything happens for a reason, and I know this restaurant was for something good.

Nerves

Is it okay to be nervous?

Everything is happening so fast, which I believe is why I am so nervous.
What if things do not go right? 
What if everything goes wrong?
What if people don't like what you are doing?
So many "what ifs"

You have to let the nerves calm down.

But it is so hard because there are so many list to make, so many items to cross of those list. So many little things to do think about, and so many big things to thing about.
Do you have sugar for the coffee?
Do you have horseradish for the prime rib?

I want things to go well, but so nervous that nothing will go well.

As much as you want to stay positive it is hard to. It is hard to not think everything will go wrong. But the worse possible outcome always comes to your mind first.

I had this fear. It is really I have this fear.

What if (yes I said it) but really "what if" you open the doors and no one show ups. Maybe no one wants to give us a chance. But this is my fear because not everything always works out. And this is a very big step, and it not working out is a big deal

So many "what ifs" but you have to stay on a positive note. 

Make a Prep List

It is time to get started on new flavors and new taste.

Get a buying list ready.

Start getting a production list going.

It is time to get all this prep done.

I am excited to start posting about this new Chapter I am about to start. This blog was about me becoming a Pastry Chef, now I do not consider myself as a chef. I know I have a lot to figure out. But I am going to take this step by step, figure out what I can do. It is going to be about learning, and my learning has not stopped. I am ready to still see what the world has to offer.

I am so ready to get back in the kitchen.

To make something beautiful for someone.

Ready for that Leap

You need to realize what is really for you, what means something to you.

I always knew what I wanted to do, what I was good at so I went for it. I had a little of an hesitation but then I went for.

Everything you do, is another step to a journey you are taking.

And I know that sometimes things happen for a reason, opportunities are brought to you that you can not pass up. So you take those opportunities, even if you might be really scared of it all. But sometimes you have to take that risk, you have to take a jump for it. Or maybe for me a leap for it.

But I guess you really don't know until you try.

I am nervous for what is to come next, its a big step, it is something I was never ready for. I guess I just never thought would happen. But something has come up, and opportunity and you have to go for it.

So lets take that leap.

Oink oink

So I could tell you this now I don't know the last time I ate pork it has been a good 9 years at least. When I stopped eating pork I had also stopped eating beef and many other meats.

But I was not a vegetarian.

The beef situation was I dealt with it everyday from raw to cooked. And it started making me sick so I stopped eating it. Just plan and simple. The pork thing just happened one day i decided not to eat it. And from then on it became a religious thing. At this time my sister had become very religious and was keeping kosher so I Would say I Was looking up to her.

But the decision not to eat pork was something I had decided on my own.

So now I am at a crossroads which I just never thought I really would be. I always knew at some point I would eat beef again and a few years ago i went back to eating beef, but now I am trying to decide.

Do I go on with life without pork or do I start eating it again.

My family has a BBQ business so I am around pork all the time. And yes I do have my moments when I look at a rack of ribs right out of the smoker and think those look good. And i just want to sit down and eat a rack of ribs. But then i think.

Am I really ready for that, am I really ready to eat pork again.

And the next situation that has come up is me moving over to savory and trying it out. But I know for me to really learn and get everything out of an experience I have to be ready to try new things. Do I change my beliefs for a job, to further my career.

Am I really ready to start tasting pork? 

I keep going  back and forth on this situation because I am torn. I really can't even think straight about it. It's like I almost don't know what would make me happier. Because I feel sometimes if I do decide to eat pork I'm doing something wrong.

I'm just torn.

A Family Thing

The Story....

So yes a few months ago I decided to leave my big city life to head back home well I guess head back to my new home in Sturgis South Dakota.

Sometimes we all just need a little change.

But it's become a funny thing though cause sometimes it just sounds like a long sad story. I was living in NY and decided to quit my pastry job so I could go back home to work with my dad. Here I am a trained french pastry cook working a bar doing all crazy kinds of jobs. But the one thing people do not understand...

Is it was my decision.

I was not asked or forced by my dad I wanted to do this. To be honest it was perfect timing. I was ready for a change. So i think sometime people see me and wonder why I am doing thing. I'm doing this because I love the business my dad has had. He built it from the ground up. And I hope one day I can do the same thing.

I wanted to be more involved.

So yea I took the summer off but not from working, I guess really from baking. And maybe I'll decide to keep going on with my dad and find some more events or maybe I'll find a job. All I really know is this summer has been great. Working side by side with my dad and getting back to my routs. 

This is a summer I will never forget.

Countdown...

I feel like i have a countdown going on.  And this countdown really is no fun, because its about finding a job. The thing is, its not just about finding a job its about figuring out my life..

What do I do next?

I went to Pastry School in Chicago, then moved to New York and worked in a Restaurant. So now it is about figuring out what to do next. I could move back to NY but I am not sure if that is what I want. Do I want to move back to NY?

Or is it time to find a new place?

Is it time for a change in my surrounding, for a change in what is around.  I think it might be, but now it is about finding that next place. But getting up and just moving to place that I don't know is always scary.

Answers...

Too much of a countdown for me...But I feel like time is running out and I need to figure out something.

Let's get back on track...

So I can not believe it has been a year since my last post. Well let's just say it has been a crazy year, but I'm ready to get Back on here and start blogging again. The last everyone knew I was living in New York and working as a pastry cook at a restaurant. Well my time spent their was great! I met many amazing people and learned lots, but it came time to go to the next thing.

So I deciede to put down my whisk, and go back to what I know and love...Bar-B-Que.

I moved to South Dakota to be with my family and to run the business with my dad. I thought it would of been a nice getaway from the city, and for sure it was time to getaway. I also wanted to work on the business more and get even more ready for the rally. I knew it was going to be a big summer for us, and many more to come.

It has been a good summer, we have been open at the Throttle for a couple of months now and while we have had that open we have been in Greeley at the Stampede which was a success. And now we have just finished up at the Sturgis Motorcycle Rally, which was a blast as always.  We are now set up at the Centrals States Fair in Rapid City, and then we will be at the Mustang Rally.

I am still working on my goal of doing something amazing with pastries one day, I just took a step back for a little to do something I knew I wanted to get back to. And while in this whole journey of my life Ive been going back and forth.

I love Pastries, and I know I love baking.

But as time goes on Im falling for Savory

I think I am going to work on pastries skills for a little while still, but at the same time Im going to look more and more into moving over to Savory. I think it could be a good thing for me.

While I am still in South Dakota working on the business, It is getting to that point in time I need to figure out what to do next.

So...thats where I am at.

What shall I do next in my life??
Where should I go?
What should I do?